Since Dad passed a couple of weeks ago, I have been avoiding music. His life was so full of it that I couldn’t listen to anything without thinking of him.
Driving, I would hit the radio and, of course, “Let It Be” would start:
“When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me…”
That did it. I lost it right then and there. Good thing there was a place to pull over.
Going to the grocery was the same.
I would walk up to the checkout and, of course, “Help Me Make It Through the Night” came on:
“Let the Devil take tomorrow.
Lord, tonight I need a friend…”
God, Dad loved Kris Kristofferson.
Holding my breath, I grabbed my receipt and bolted to the car and just sat there.
SIRIUS XM really must hate me.
I sat down to do some paperwork at the office after everyone left and put it on random…
OF COURSE, the first song up was “The Living Years”
“I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years.”
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! I desperately hit random.
“The Gambler” started. As this was the last song I ever sang my father, I hit random even before the first word was spoken. Kenny Rogers faded to…
GODDAMN!
“When you coming home, son?
I don’t know when.
But, we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time, then.”
CAT’S IN THE FUCKING CRADLE???
I lost it.
Good thing I was the only one in the office.
I put myself back together and went home but it was time to walk the dogs. I grabbed the husky and the leash and went for a walk in the park.
Grabbing my phone, I popped on my earbuds and started up YouTube and put it on random.
Things went pretty well for a while. Boston led to Foreigner led to Queen and even Men Without Hats.
As the “The Safety Dance” faded away, that is when it happened.
“I hear the train a comin’
A coming round the bend…”
“Folsom Prison Blues”?
Dammit, I hit fast forward.
Barry Manilow started up and I started to relax when it suddenly skipped to –
“If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady.”
Johnny Cash again?!?
I looked at the phone and hit forward again.
The BeeGees came on and started to disco when IT DID IT AGAIN!
I watched the screen on the phone as it skipped down 20 songs to
“I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down but the flames went higher.”
Sitting down I watched as the screen just kept shifting and shifting
“A Boy Named Sue” switched to “Hurt” switched to “Sunday Morning Coming Down”
Finally, “I Walk The Line”
I had sat down on a bench and the tears had come. I cried until I had no more left and felt something brush me. The husky started to lick my face.
I looked down at my phone and realized the entire play list had switched to Johnny Cash songs.
That is when it hit me.
I hadn’t lost my Dad.
He was sitting right there with me and showing me that he would always be there!
That is when I started to heal.
I love you, Dad.
Tales From An Old Ford 