A Day of Reckoning

I am having a flashback.

I never thought I would smell tear gas again.

As some of you know, last night there were riots in many cities following the death of a man in Minneapolis in police custody. Stupidly, I thought our city was immune.

I was wrong.

As we live about a mile from the city center, last night was filled with sirens and popping and horns honking, and… well, you get it.

Around midnight, I stepped onto the porch. The breeze was from west, i.e. from Downtown and I smelled it.

It was faint but it was there… tear gas.

I have now smelled tear gas three times in my life.

Last night…sometime in the late 80’s…and May 5, 1970.

The second time was easy.

It was a protest march against that fucking bitch, Anita Bryant. You remember her, right? Orange juice spokesman? Former Miss America? Antigay, lying misanthrope?

If you don’t remember her, don’t worry. She will be spending eternity in Hell, anyway. And, I have no sympathy for the woman.

No, the exposure that is causing flashbacks is the very first one in 1970.

I was seven and in the first grade. Like today, the country was undergoing convulsions caused by the incompetence of elected officials.

As a child, I was considered precocious and I knew that the adults were worried but did not understand it all. The nightly news tried to explain but I could not connect it to my own life.

Then, the Kent State Shootings in Ohio happened.

For those of you who do not know or remember, on May 4, 1970, four unarmed students at Kent State University in Ohio protesting against the Vietnam War were gunned down by nervous National Guardsmen.

The nation erupted! Campuses blazed!

Ohio State University is in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio, and the riots there were unrivalled nationwide. Businesses and schools were closed and the city was under siege.

Imagine a seven year old child seeing this and watching their world burn.

That was me.

While my Dad had to stay home from work in downtown Columbus, my mother was considered essential personnel as she worked at Ohio State University Hospital in the heart of the OSU campus. She was a nurse and she was REQUIRED to go to work by order of the governor of Ohio.

In other words, my mother had to report to work in the heart of the inferno.

Even better, my mother was instructed by her boss that she was not allowed to drive her own car to the hospital. It turns out that cars in the parking lot had been torched and no one was allowed to drive themselves so my father had to take her and pick her up.

My mother has heard on the news that the protesters were swarming cars on High Street and that the National Guard had been deployed to campus. She has also heard they were ignoring cars with kids.

SO, what does that have to do with me?

Mom needed picked up at the end of her shift at 11 p.m. so picture me and my Dad driving down High Street in his old Ford pickup. Smoke drifted across the street and burnt out cars lined the way.

My Dad had to check in with the National Guard at the corner of Fifth Avenue and High Street. It was actually the first time I had ever seen a loaded gun in person. The young men were very innocent looking and they looked so scared.

They made us step out while they searched the truck and then waved Dad through.

It was very frightening as we drove down High street and then turned on Tenth Avenue. Burning cars and shattered glass were everywhere. Even the White Castle was damaged by the rioters.

On High Street, the Guardsmen were holding back the rioters from the street. The rioters flowed and ebbed like a storm. Smoke and embers rode the wind and filled the air.

As we turned onto 10th Avenue, the rioters broke through and surrounded the truck. Chants and shouting as they peered in at us.

Then: “There’s a kid in there!” and they backed off.

THAT is when it happened.

As the students backed off and my father began to slowly drive away, I heard popping behind us and looked back to see what looked like aerosols cans flying through the air towards the protesters.

POP! POP! POP! and tear gas filled the air!

My Dad hit the gas just as we both got a big whiff of it. Our eyes began to tear and we started to cry.

The rest of the route was lined by National Guardsmen but the protesters backed off as they started to cry and puke.

The Guardsmen were crying as well, but I don’t think the tear gas had anything to do with it.

The Last Word

When I first hear that someone has passed away unexpectedly, there are many things that run through my mind. How did it happen?  How is their family taking it? What was their legacy?

One other thing always runs through my mind:

What were the last words that I spoke with them?

Were they words of anger?

Were they words of love?

Were the words we spoke stupid?

Were they profound?

As a few of you know, my family had an unexpected death recently. My stepbrother, Ken, passed away alone but peacefully and it has caused me to look back on our last meeting and ponder.

Ken and I were almost exact contemporaries. We were the same age and born in the same year. We were even roughly the same height and build. He had a bigger smile and I had more hair.

During high school, Ken was the guy I always wanted to be. He was popular and had loads of friends. He was always the life of their party.

Oh, and he loved the Beatles.

Over the 41 years that our parents have been married, we saw each other frequently or infrequently as our lives progressed. But, hey, that’s how families are, right?

41 years of ups and downs and just plain life.

The last time I saw Ken was last Thanksgiving. My family had chosen to meet at the memory care facility where my Dad is staying and to share a stress free holiday meal.

All of us sat around the table and talking and telling stories. Heck, we even all got to sing “The Gambler” when my Dad got started so we all sang along.

I remember Ken smiling as the whole table sang “You gotta know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em…”.

We had a good time and the laughs were plenty.

Ken and I were the last ones out of the compound as my stepsister helped my stepmother to the car and then home.

We were walking across the parking lot when it happened.

Ken turned to me and said “Hey, Micheal?”

“Yeah, Ken?”

“Love ya, Bros.”

I was taken a bit aback, but…

“Love you, too.”

And we parted.

On the way home, it struck me. In the 41 years our parents have been married, that was the first time we had ever said that.

Those were also the last words we ever spoke to each other … and they were perfect.

“Love you, Bros.”

“Love you, too.”

Tales From An Old Ford

Some memories never fade.

They just crystallize and sparkle in our memories.

I love music.

And I grew up on a farm.

Put those together and what do you get?

Yup.

My favorite memories of all time consist of me and my Dad driving around in that old Ford pickup of his at 80 miles an hour down a country road and singing at the top of our voices.

Imagine a ten year old kid hanging out the window singing at the top of his voice while a smiling giant drives away like a shot!

I fell in to a burning Ring of Fire

I went down, down, down.

But the flames went higher…”

Then…
“Welcome to the Hotel California..

Such a lovely place

Such a lovely face…

And…
“Sweet Home, Alabama

I’m comin’ home to you.

Even –
“We all live in a Yellow Submarine!

A Yellow Submarine!

A Yellow Submarine!

“Sing it out, Micheal John!”, my Dad would shout.

Elvis led to Johnny Cash to Merle Haggard to Warren Zevon. Even Elton John!

It always brings a smile to my face thinking about those Autumn nights driving like a bat out of hell and singing as loud as we could – with my Dad, this HUGE smile on his face and his eyes a twinkling!

I imagined us leaving some sparkling trail like a comet streaking through space…….

But time passes…

(Sigh)

As some of you may know, we have had to recently place my father in a memory facility. It was one of the most difficult and guilt-ridden decisions of my life.

Over the last few years, his recollection has faded. His gait started to waiver and the 6’4” near giant had become an old man who depended on a walker.

Those sparkling eyes had started to fade and the light became intermittent. He spent most of his time in a chair watching golf tournaments.

One of the things the care center suggests is that you talk to your loved one about good memories and show them pictures. So, I brought my laptop and flipped through pictures of Dad and my stepmother at college graduation, holidays, cookouts – you name it.

And every so often, I would see a little sparkle but then it would fade quickly. Again and again I saw it but it ran off.

“Is golf on?” he would ask just before he called me by my brother’s name.

Last weekend, I took him out shoe shopping. His first job after the Army was in an old shoe factory in Columbus, Ohio. He told me stories about the factory while we shopped but then he stopped and faded.

Dad had asked me to stop in a Tim Horton’s and grab a dozen donuts but we got stuck in the drive-through.

So, I started telling stories. And the spark came up again.

“Hey, Dad, remember when Mom planted pot out behind the barn?” That got the spark and a shrug.

“What was the name of the old dog we used to have? You remember that old furry mutt?” He looked at me and looked away.

I was getting down so I started to hum.

My father’s face turned to me.

Why, not?
“I fell into a burning ring of fire…” He smiled a bit.
“I went down, down, down but the flames went higher.” He started to sing but turned away.

Try another-
“You gotta know when to hold ‘em

Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run…”

OR

“I’m stuck in Folsom Prison

As time keeps dragging on…”

I saw his fingers start to tap then he turned away.

Then, a light came on in my head.

“Awooooooooooooo!

Werewolves of London!

Awooooooooooooo!”

Yeah!

He turned back and the light was there and his smile grew!

“Micheal John – “And his hair was perfect!”

The transformation was amazing! A door opened!

And he sang!

“Awoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Werewolves of London!”

Now, imagine that each and every one one of you is sitting in the cab of a beat up old Ford pickup truck.

Darkness has fallen and the windows are open. The wind is blowing a thousand miles an hour…

The music is blaring and you are SOARING through the night leaving a blazing trail behind you!

Now, look to your left…

Do you know who that smiling giant driving and singing is?

“Awoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Werewolves of London!”

THAT’S MY DAD!!!!!

“Awoooooooooooooooooooo! “

YEAH!