Tag: Parents

How do you define “Home”?

That has always been an odd question for me.

Most people consider the place they grew up in to be their home.

Other consider the house they live in to be “home”. And, while my house is my home there is a place that always fulfilled that requirement before we bought this place.

You see, growing up my mother was always so strange and weird and just plain nasty that none of the places we lived ever seemed welcoming or permanent in any way.

Our residence – yes.

Our “Home” – no.

But there was one place that became fixed in my mind even though I actually only lived there for a little less than a year right after college.

I knew that when things went wrong, I could always go there and somehow the world would keep turning.

That is why the Zillow add hit me so hard:

“Great home in need of updating! The bones are here, all it needs is a buyers TLC! Hardwood floors, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths with screen porch!”

Seems pretty normal, right?

But, you see, that house in the suburbs in Columbus, Ohio, was always a pillar of normal when things went wrong.

My stepmother, Rosemary bought it with her first husband in 1965 and she had lived there ever since.

So imagine you came from a house where nothing was ever right and you suddenly got plopped onto an island of calm.

Chaos breaks and quiet ensues.

It was just amazing. I loved spending weekends there after my Dad and Rosemary got married.

BUT, that island of calm continued through the years and decades.

My heart got broke? I showed up and was reminded of what love really was.

A friend died? I stopped in and got the hug that reminded me of what life really means.

Need reminded that life goes on? Stop in and get greeted with a smile that fills your soul.

I am gonna miss that house.

Copyright 2021 M.J. Hobbs

I saw my father drunk exactly twice.

The second time was when my grandmother died

But, the first time was the one I remember the most.

Dad had a great sense of humor and was always laughing, but he was always very careful not to let us know when he got upset. After all, living with Mom all those years left our emotional batteries highly charged enough for this life and the next.

My father had caught my mother in bed with another man. AGAIN.

Yeah, Mom was a slut; however, this time was different.

Dad had discovered Mom and her latest paramour in the barn. Shouting was followed by screeching tires as the trick drove off in a huff.

The screaming began even before the guy was out of the driveway. My mother shouting at the top of her voice to make sure the neighbors heard even though they were ¼ mile away.

“I can do whatever I like and you can’t stop me?” Barb snarled.

“Barb, we are married.” Cal tried to insert.

“I don’t care. I want laid!”, she yelled.

My little sister and I were in a bedroom upstairs with the TV on. As the shouting got louder, we kept upping the volume to pretend like we couldn’t hear.

Breaking glass from downstairs brought us to the top of the stairs.

“Coward!” Mom screamed as she tossed another dish.

CRASH!

“Barbara, stop!” my Dad tried to restrain her.

“Hit me!” she snarled.

CRASH!

“Enough!” he yelled as he tried to catch a vase and missed.

CRASH!

“Hit me!” Mom screamed into his face.

Dad grabbed her shoulders and tried to hold her still as the intense depth of her mental illness came out.

“Barbara! I want a divorce!”

Silence.

“What?”, she said.

“I want a divorce.” he said quietly.

“YOU…want…a…divorce?” Barb looked at him incredulously.

“Yes.” Cal sighed. “I have had enough.”

My mother plopped herself down in a chair and looked him up and down.

“You wouldn’t dare…” she started.

“I have had enough.” he slowly said.

That is when he caught sight of us standing at the top of the stairs.

“You kids go back upstairs.”

“But, Dad –“ I began.

“Micheal. Take your sister and go back upstairs”

Lisa and I went back upstairs but kept the TV volume way down trying to hear what was going on downstairs. We heard some mumbling but little else.

Eventually, we heard a car start up and drive away.

Peeking down the stairs, we saw my Dad do something we had never seen him do before. My Dad cracked open a bottle of whiskey and started to drink.

I went down the stairs and left Lisa upstairs.

“Dad?”

“Micheal, please go back upstairs.”

“Dad, divorce?” I asked.

“Everyone has their limit, son. Now go back upstairs.

A few minutes later, I heard our neighbor Chuck talking to Dad downstairs.

“Cal, I don’t know how you put up with it this long.”

“I got kids.”

Chuck cracked open another bottle.

Lisa and I fell sleep watching “Chiller Theater”.

Around 3 a.m., the door to the bedroom opened.

My Dad was drunk as a skunk and peering in at us. I pretended to still be asleep as he came into the room.

My father stared at us for a good ten minutes then sighed.

Dad leaned over and kissed the top of our heads and left the room.

I don’t think he even knew he was crying.

My father definitely traded up the second time around.

Truly!

BUT, saying that is to do my stepmother a disservice.

You see, Mom set the bar so low that anything short of a serial killer would have been a step up.

Yup.

So, let’s try this a different way.

Imagine that your Dad has picked you and your little sister up for the weekend but he is being all mysterious and everything.

“Dad, where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”, he answered with a small yet mischievous smile.

Oh-Oh!  That usually meant we were going to get stuck at some auction for the weekend or in a tent at a bluegrass festival. While I enjoyed them, I WAS 13 and teenagers are NOT supposed to like such stuff.

“Dad? Grandma lives the other direction.”

“We are not going to your Grandmother’s this weekend.”

“Then, where?”

“You’ll see.”

Normal suburbia surrounded us. People sitting on lawn chairs and mowing lawns and walking their dogs. It was like entering another world.

So there we are – taken from the chaos which was life with our mother – and suddenly plopped down in a house in suburban Columbus that could have come straight from “The Brady Bunch” and introduced to Carol Brady, er, I mean, Rosemary.

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. My father had never introduced us to someone he was dating before. And, well, when you lived with Mom, all of your hackles were up all the time.

So, there we are plopped down in the middle of a living room straight out of “Bewitched” and here we are being introduced to a beautiful, intelligent woman with an honest grin and have absolutely no idea how to behave.

A woman with a genuine laugh and smile made me so suspicious. You wondered when the other shoe would drop.

To better explain, let me use some ‘60’s and 70’s TV shows.

Imagine your home life resembled “Dark Shadows” Weird, creepy things occurring all around that never had a real explanation. Strange people popping in and out. The police showing up at the oddest times.  More like “Dark Shadows” meets “The Twilight Zone” meets “Dragnet”.

Imagine you are propelled from that reality into a version of “The Love Boat” meets “The Brady Bunch” meets “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”.

Yes, Rosemary is an extraordinary, beautiful, and loving woman but do you know what her main strength in?

Rosemary is normal.

And do you know how she broke the ice?

“Micheal, do you want a cookie?”

I love my stepmother.

Today is Father’s Day and I have to be honest I was not looking forward to it.

This is the first Father’s Day since Dad passed.

So, I have been basically ignoring it. Ignoring the sales, signs, billboards, commercials, popups and flyers virtually everywhere. Hunkering down and ignoring the world.

But karma and the world decided otherwise.

I just wanted to relax so I plopped on Disney+. Yeah, I know. A fifty some man watching Disney+.

Can you tell I am gay?

Not really caring what I watched but wanting some background noise while I played a game, I hit the “Play Something” button and a video started while I fired up a strategy game.

Then, the title came on: “OUT”

“OUT”? What on earth was that?

OHMYGOD! There was a gay animated movie on DISNEY?????????

It turns out it was a short and was part of their PRIDE month celebration that I had not even realized they were doing it but the important part is what it was about.

“OUT” tells the story of how a closeted gay man tells his parents he is gay and introduces them to his boyfriend. That is a VERY simplified explanation of a story involving pets, body switching, supernatural beings and barbecue but saying more would give away too much but the important part is right at the end.

At the end of the video, the quiet, strong, silent Dad is introduced to his son’s boyfriend and just grabs him and hugs him tight.

That was my DAD!

I had to grab a tissue and was like “Really, Micheal?”.

So, yesterday morning, I had to run some errands.

Hopping in Jerry the Jeep, I popped on the radio and”Convoy” by C.W. McCall came on.

You remember that song, right? It was the one during the 1970’s the sparked the CB radio craze.

You don’t remember the CB Radio phenomenon?

It was the TikTok of the 1970’s. Really!

Millions of people hopped onto the radio trying to talk to truckers and keep an eye on “bears” i.e. cops. This was in the days before cell phones and the only way to navigate was by an actual printed map!

My Dad loved his CB radio but he loved that song even more.

“We got a great big convoy

Trucking through the night.

We got a great big convoy

Ain’t she a beautiful sight?”

Dad would roll down the windows and sing it at the top of his voice.

So…SO DID I!

Rolling down the windows and maxing the volume I drove down Washington Street.

“Come on join our convoy!” I shouted and could almost hear Dad singing with me.

The people I passed must have thought I was crazy but that was fun!

But, then I had to pull into my least favorite place on Earth.

Yeah, Walmart!

Okay, maybe not exactly my least favorite place but close. However, when you need large breed dog food, there are few places that sell it. So in I walked.

I made certain to avert my gaze from the Father’s Day display at the door as I went in and quickly made my way to the dog food aisle and grabbed a bag. Then, I headed to the checkout to escape.

That is when it happened.

The complete lack of pay for Walmart associates means that of the 24 checkout lines only 4 were open so I popped into the self-checkout line which was only 18 people deep(!).

Unfortunately, the self-checkout queue went straight through the Father’s Day section. I tried to look straight forward as we inched forward. After 15 minutes of not moving, it became more and more difficult.

Then, something caught my eye.

Standing on the shelf right next to me was a standing Smoky Bear with a sign saying “Only Dads can prevent forest fires!”

I almost lost it right there.

You see, Dad loved Smoky Bear and always used to take us to see the giant talking statue at the Ohio State Fair each year. And, as Dad worked for the the Ohio Department of Natural Resources, he knew who was operating the bear.

And every year, it would greet us by name!

“Micheal, good to see you! Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires!” it would say.

I picked up the statue off the shelf and was smiling at it when I heard someone crying to my left.

The Walmart associate stocking the shelf was crying.

“Ma’am, are you all right?” I asked.

“I’m sorry.” she said. “My father died in March.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

I grabbed her and hugged her.

After a moment, she smiled and said, “Thank you!”

At that moment, I knew my Dad was standing right there.

Happy Father’s Day!