A Crystal Epiphany

Have you ever had a true epiphany?

Seriously.

I am not talking about walking out of the house and realizing it is raining.

I am talking about a true life-assessing realization.

Let me explain:

Recently something happened that has made me re-examine and redirect my memories of how I have lived my life. It was something small but it crystallized and validated a lifetime of work and experience.

It was so small yet beautiful.

It was something that most people these days wouldn’t even notice but it had an impact on me that I still have trouble explaining.

Let me give you some background.

Quickly looking at me most people would think I had it made. I am:

White

Male

Middle-aged

College educated

Fat  (We can probably leave that one out.)

I have a good job, am married, have a Victorian house, three dogs, two cats and a 401K.

Sounds like I have it made, right?

Not quite…

Assessing all of those most people would think that my path in life had been pretty easy but they would be wrong. Once simple fact has upended my life and changed how I have lived and how I perceive the world.

To quote one of my uncles I am as queer as a three dollar bill.

Yup, that’s right, I am about as gay as they come.

I am like 7-UP – Never had it…never will.

I am a perfect Kinsey 6.

Sorry, Ladies.

I know some millennial is sitting out there and going “So, what?”

Oh My God! You have NO idea.

Somehow people seem to think it is easy these days to be gay and that is how it has always been.

Are you crazy, Annelle? (Steel Magnolias reference.)

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I came out 40 years ago to a very different world.

When I came out, you could still be fired for being gay. Don’t believe me?

I had one coworker demand that our boss fire me when she found out because she was afraid to bring her husband to the office Christmas Party because I might hit on him.

Some states still had laws on the books that said two men could be arrested just for holding hands in public. Public officials were loudly saying that we were pawns of the Devil and that we were going to hell just for trying to love the person we wanted to spend our lives with.

I couldn’t even enter the military because I was afraid of what would happen late at night in the barracks.

Right now, I am sure someone is reading this with a sarcastic grin and going “Riiiiiiiiiiight…”

When I went out to the bars for the first time, they didn’t have signs because they didn’t want their patrons blackmailed and mugged.

The bars themselves had all of their window boarded up.  Do you know why?  Because people drove by and shot out the windows.

Think I am joking?!?

Tell that to my uncle who was murdered outside a gay bar in 1974.

Yeah, he was…BUT my mother’s family told us Uncle Goog died of cancer so they wouldn’t have to live with the shame.

But when I left home, I determined I would be who I was whether anyone liked it or not.

I have:

Protested!

Marched!

Watched as that bitch, Anita Bryant, got pied! (Don’t know who she is? Good!  Please don’t look her up as she deserves to end up in the trash bin of history!)

I have been:

Spit on!

Egged!

Attacked!

Arrested!

And all just for being me and to live my life like anybody else.

I have just wanted to love. And, to be loved.

I have watched friends die in hospitals and their boyfriends weren’t allowed to see them as they lie dying because they weren’t “married.”

BUT, we fought and we marched and we NEVER GAVE UP!

And, yes, things have slowly changed over the years.

I can walk down the street holding hands and not have to worry about the cops arresting us. (All we have to worry about is the sexually insecure rednecks driving by and hollering.)

I can adopt a kid if I want now. And Jim and I have five of them but all of ours have four paws.

And, yes, I waited 47 years but I finally was able to marry the man that I love and to call him mine.

Many of you would look at me now and see how lucky I really am.

Yes, life is much better but it took an unexpected moment to let me see exactly how far I have come. And, to appreciate where I am now and where I am going to.

Last December, our friend David died. He was great guy who always had a huge smile on his face and I don’t know a soul who didn’t think the world of him,.

One of his greatest talents was making sure that you knew you were special even when you were screwing up really badly and knew it. And, he could always make you laugh.

After leaving the Marines, David returned to Indianapolis to help run his Dad’s restaurant. Along the way, he met the love of his life and he, and his husband, settled down together. Life was good.

Unfortunately, cancer does not care who you are or who you love and his end was swift and unexpected.

Last weekend, his celebration of life was held at his church and the congregation was both smiling and tearing up as stories were told and the choir sung.

Finally, it was time for the ashes to be place in the crypt. Slowly, the honor guard saluted and folded the flag. Then, they presented it to his husband.

THAT is when the crystal light beamed down and I knew that moment was what I had been working and fighting and living for all of these years.

They gave the flag to his husband.

HIS HUSBAND.

The world stopped for a moment and the universe crystallized.

All the stuff that I, my friends and millions of others had marched, worked and cried for came down to that instant in time.

I could not hold back the tears as they saluted and handed it over.

That moment my heart stopped…and when it began again, I knew the world had truly changed.

No matter where life may lead that moment made it all worthwhile.

A light shone down.

Now, I know the world isn’t perfect and it never will be.

And, with the Supreme Court prepped to overturn Roe V Wade, you know what they will be coming for next?

Right… My marriage.

I will march.

And I will protest.

But, I will NEVER give up.

Do you know why?

BECAUSE THEY GAVE IT TO HIS HUSBAND!

And THAT vision will be with me the rest of my life.

Thank you, David.